MAGIC MIKE'S LAST DANCE
Cert 15
112 mins
BBFC advice: Contains strong sex references, language
First the plus points... there are some mighty impressive shapes thrown by handsome guys with eye-catching upper halves.
And that is it. Every other aspect of Magic Mike's Last Dance is cringeworthy.
Honestly, the plot could have been made up in a primary school drama class, the acting is woefully stilted thanks to dialogue which literally prompted Mrs W and me to groan out loud.
Thankfully, there were only two other people in Coventry Odeon's screen one for our afternoon session with Channing Tatum and Salma Hayek.
Tatum reprises the role of Mike Lane, a stripper who has long given up on dancing and is now a bartender at high-level events.
But he is temporarily persuaded out of retirement when a super-rich woman (Hayek) offers him thousands of dollars for a personal dance.
It is a performance that changes his life because she then asks him to join her in London and revamp the staid production at a West End theatre that she just happens to own.
Yep, she wants Mike to make an audience feel just as dizzy as she did when his pelvis was thrusting at her.
Mike is smitten because no woman has ever shown such confidence in him and yet Hayek's character spends most of the movie telling him what to do.
No surprise there - because he is expected to create an entire show and bring it to the stage in just four weeks.
Meanwhile, his sponsor's estranged husband and bankroller (Alan Cox) is unsurprisingly unkeen on the idea.
The whole concept of Steven Soderbergh's movie is a pile of tosh and added to the mix is the inevitable British butler stereotype (Ayub Khan-Din) and the rich wife's mock-outraged, posh teenage daughter (Jemelia George).
And that's it - I watch this sort of thing, so you guys don't have to. Nuff said.
Reasons to watch: Lithe dancing
Reasons to avoid: Risible plot
Laughs: None
Jumps: None
Vomit: Yes
Nudity: Lots of bare chests
Overall rating: 2.5/10
Did you know? Channing Tatum, who worked as a stripper in Tampa when he was 18.
The final word. Steven Soderbergh: "I wanted there to be a real relationship at the centre of the film for the first time between Mike and a woman. And I wanted that woman to be more powerful than him." Time
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